Software Engineer Identification Test

Date: Nov 6, 2021
Tags: [tech] [fun]

While a “software engineer” might sound fun, it’s really only fun when you finally arrive home with no active side projects. How is that possible? Being able to create software sounds wonderful right? It depends on what mistakes you have already done and how much coffee you drank.

The only magical things about softwar engineers and programmers (and everyone in between, including “coders” and “developers”) is that they can turn coffee into code.

So if for whatever you wanted an easy way to identify a software engineer, then this test is for you.

It’s 3 AM, you’ve spent 8 hours on a project and you should go sleep. You…

  1. Go to bed and do the project tomorrow
  2. Go to bed and abandon the project tomorrow
  3. Drink another cup of coffee while spending 4 more hours on the project and finally running “git commit -m “I fucking did it” at 7:23 AM and pushing it to the project’s servers

There is no true correct answer, it all depends on who you’re asking. But for this test, we want to identify the software engineer who really, really, seriously needs help. In that case, the answer is C.

What is the worst thing you can say to a software engineer?

Unfortunately for these nerds, no normal person is really interested in software engineering and tech terms such as “Callback” and “Networking”, so they have created communities online where they joke about each other’s weaknesses and humiliate themselves by admitting no creativity (“copying from stackoverflow”) and pretending at the same time that it is okay to not be creative.

  1. All languages except for $InsertYourLanguage suck ass.
  2. I program on my phone because computers are for stupid people.
  3. Programming is for nerds
  4. All of the above

Here’s the correct answer: all of the above, even just muttering one of these sentences is enough to send a software engineer screaming into your face about how “Java is good” or “Python is good for AI”

Weaknesses

Software engineers have plenty of weaknesses, one of them being a complete lack of recognition, especially if they program proprietary software. At the end of the day, no one asks how “Steve Johnson” feels about a product he helped create but everyone asks Bill Gates instead.

Another weakness is if they do not have coffee, they will find it extremely difficult to work and code. As I said, software engineers turn coffee into code and so if you want to torture a software engineer (or anyone really) then just remove the coffee machine from the office.